I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
