She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
