did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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