once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
