last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
