I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
