So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
