Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Randomize
