2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize