Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
