You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
