It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
