I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
