Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
