the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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