I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
