As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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