God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
