i always forget guys have bellybuttons
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
