So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
