so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
