I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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