He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
