So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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