I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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