proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
