mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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