Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
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