How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
