I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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