Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just want to make out with him forever
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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