I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
