Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
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i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
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Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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