I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The 33 Worst Things Men Have Said While Hitting On Women
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.