We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
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you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
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You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.