she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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