we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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