we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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