Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
