Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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