Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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