I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
