Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
