we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
