We won't sleep together?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
