I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
