I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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