I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
