he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
