We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
