i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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