Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
