there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
