I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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