He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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