her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
