I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
