as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
