sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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