in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
