i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
