he puts the penis in happiness.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
