i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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