If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
