Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
