just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
