i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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