He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I supernannyed him into submission
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
