I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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