Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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