I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
