Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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