somebody snuck up and got me drunk
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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