In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
