Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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