I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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