I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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