Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
