Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
