talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
