I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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