just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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