honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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