he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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