you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
