Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
