ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
